hotel room ftw
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
