you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
