Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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