I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
