So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
not ubering you a puppy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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