Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize