How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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