plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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