Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
