I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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