I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
