a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
