I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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