My liver just broke up with me...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
