she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
