Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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