It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
