I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
