there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
