I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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