So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I looked at my own cervix.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
