She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
