Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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