You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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