Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
