Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
