In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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