Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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