I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
