hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
