I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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