Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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