I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
