paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
