No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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