I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize