is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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