I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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