how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
