I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
