I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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