i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
