the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
