Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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