No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
