i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize