went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
