That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
