it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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