thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
