This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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