it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
