a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
