this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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