look no pants
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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