covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Vodka?
Forever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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