Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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