She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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