Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
