I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're like the curious george of whores
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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