I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
