ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
