i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
