Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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