I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
