i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
