I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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