Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
