think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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