She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
