every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
